I sit on the floor, surrounded by a group of smiling first graders. “What do you want to be when you grow up,” I ask. Their hands shoot up high into the air as they enthusiastically call out their answers.
- “A doctor.”
- “A nurse.”
- “A basketball player.”
- “A builder.”
- “A teacher.”
- “A zookeeper.”
They are so excited they have a hard time waiting for their turn to share. As we go around the room, each child speaks confidently about their desired career.
Their futures are full of possibilities. They have big plans to live their best life and no fear that they may fail.
After class, I reminiscence about my childhood desires when an unexpected longing arises from deep within. A desire to go back to a time before obligations, bills and responsibilities altered my goals. A desire to live the best life I dreamed about as a kid.
Live Your Best Life
“What do you want to be when you grow up?” How did you answer this question when you were a child?
Around the age of ten or eleven, I wrote a report about the greatest speeches of American presidents. Speeches like John F. Kennedy’s “We Choose To Go To The Moon”:
“But why, some say, the Moon? Why choose this as our goal? And they may well ask, why climb the highest mountain? Why, 35 years ago, fly the Atlantic? We choose to go to the Moon! We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard…”
Or Ronald Reagan’s Brandenburg Gate Speech:
“General Secretary Gorbachev, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!”
At the time, I couldn’t imagine anything more thrilling than becoming a speechwriter. (Looking back, I suppose I was an unusual kid.) I was certain I could write the words that would inspire a nation.
Of course, that never happened. I graduated with a degree in English Literature and went on to become a software engineer. I enjoyed my career, but I never forgot about that original goal. Even now, three decades after I first dreamed about it.
What Is Important To Me?
At some point in our lives, we lose sight of the aspirations of our childhood. We stop asking the fundamental question, “What is important to me?” As adults, we become too busy with daily obligations to ask ourselves, “What do I value?”, “What do I care about?”, “What do I want to be?”, or “What makes me happy?”
Adulthood is messy and complicated. It muddies our thoughts and makes those questions difficult to answer. Some of us grow up and forget about our childhood dreams altogether.
I will never become a speechwriter. In fact, I no longer aspire to become one, but that doesn’t mean I’ve completely forgotten about my dreams.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do with my life.
Mortality Provides Clarity
When I sit down to contemplate the options, I find it difficult to narrow down my choices. After feeling frustrated by my lack of progress, I begin to reframe my thinking. Rather than asking, “what do I want to be when I grow up?” I find myself asking, “What do I want to do with the rest of my life?”
When I get stuck, I reword the question again. This time I ask, “What would I do if I only had six months to live?” Then I ask,
- “Who would I want to visit or talk to?”
- “What do I want to achieve?”
- “What would I regret not doing before I died?”
The fear of mortality helps drive my hazy ideas into clear focus. If I knew my time was up, I wouldn’t want to waste a single moment of it. Would you?
Find a quiet place and reflect on these questions.
How to Live a Happy Life Without Money
How can you live a happy life without money? It’s a question few of us ask ourselves, but to figure out how to live the life you want without money, you must begin by asking a different set of questions.
If these were your last days, where would you want to spend your energy? On your spouse, children, religion, health, philanthropy, or something else entirely? Are you spending your time on those things now? If not, why not?
Okay, let’s pause here. You probably think I can’t spend all that time and energy on the things I love. I have to go to work. I have a job. Remember those bills I have to pay?
But life shouldn’t just be about giant houses, fancy cars, and a bank full of extra commas. Many of us step through the motions of life, mindlessly earning, and spending.
We waste our precious hours trying to make more money and then quickly spend nearly every cent we make.
Money impacts our day-to-day transactions, our jobs, and our focus. That doesn’t mean we need material possessions or even a lifetime of exciting experiences. Most of us yearn for quality relationships, time with our loved ones, and passionate projects to pursue.
A life well lived focuses on friendships, family, meaning, purpose, and love. You know all those things money can’t buy.
That may be true, but we still need to earn money to keep the lights turned on and ensure the garbage gets taken away.
So how can we make the most of our time right now? How do we live our best life if we have to keep working? Is it possible to live a simpler, happy life without a lot of money?
How to Live Life to the Fullest Without Money
Before I had children, I was convinced that I had zero time to spare in a day. How could I spend any time on the things that mattered?
I was spending all of my time working, commuting, eating three meals, hitting the gym, and sleeping? There was little to no time left for anything else.
But you know what? It wasn’t true. Most of us have spare time. Many of us choose to fritter it away.
According to the American Time Use Survey, women spend 4.9 hours on leisure activities per day while men spend 5.7. The average American spends 2.8 hours watching television.
Now we know that life shouldn’t be all work and no play. We need time to decompress and relax, but we can also use this as an excuse to waste our precious hours.
An Example of Wasted Time
Let me give you an example from my own life. For years my husband and I sat side by side on the couch after work watching television.
During this time, we stared straight ahead, watching the Discovery channel or some nerdy documentary. When the show was over, I went back upstairs to work on my computer, and he went downstairs to work on his. We spent time in the same room, but we may as well have been miles apart.
Then it got worse. We stopped watching television together after our first son was born. We lived in separate parts of the house, and slowly, over time, we began to fail one another.
A simple shift in our behavior dramatically improved our relationship. Rather than coming home, vacating to our separate rooms, or sitting side by side watching TV, we began to sit down, grab a drink and talk to one another.
Sometimes we do this on the couch, out on the stoop in front of our house, or in the thirty-year-old hot tub that came with the house we bought over two decades ago.
I knew my relationship was important, yet I did absolutely nothing to strengthen it. I am ashamed to say I ignored the things I most valued.
Escaping the 9-to-5
Many of us think we have to quit our jobs to pursue our passions and find time for the things we love. While it’s great if you can escape the 9-to-5 quitting isn’t a requirement for living a better life.
In fact, in some ways, the race to FI (financial independence) and FIRE (financial independence retire early) may be the worst thing you can do. Inundating your life with money-making side hustles and extreme frugality can make you feel downright gloomy.
At FinCon, I met a few individuals who were working themselves ragged. One guy I met sat in his basement, typing up three posts a week.
It took him eight hours to write a post and a few more hours to edit it. This poor guy was running out of ideas for new content, suffering from writer’s block, and frustrated by his lack of website traffic.
Now, in addition to working his 9-to-5 job, he was miserable working at his side-hustle too.
Find Contentment to Live Your Best Life
Instead of trying to escape from the pain points of our lives, what if we embraced the good parts and focused on the things we truly value?
Read through the questions in this post and figure out how to carve out time for the people and things that matter. It’s nice to have a month off to travel the globe, but it’s just as important to find peace, love, and understanding each and every day.
I would argue that it’s more important to find contentment in the simplest of ways. That’s much more valuable than believing you need big trips and adventures to make life worthwhile.
How to Enjoy Life Without Money
If you cannot quit our day job, what can you do to live your best life right now? How can you live life to the fullest without money (at least without tons of it), and still feel joyful and fulfilled?
- Do something you love. Carve out a few minutes each day to do something you truly love. Sit on your front porch and drink tea. Spend five minutes meditating or stretching. Go for a short run. Paint, write, sing, or dance in your living room.
- Reach out to someone you love. Snuggle your children before bedtime. Give your kids a giant hug before they head to school. Sit with your partner and listen to the best parts of his or her day. Call your mom. Text your best friend.
- Live in the moment. Be present in your life. Step outside, feel the way the wind blows, or the way the newly cut grass smells. Put your phone away when you are talking to your children, partner, parents, and coworkers.
- Show your appreciation. Tell your parents, partner, and children how much you love them. Thank your coworker for completing a project on time. Thank your child’s teacher for being there on a particularly hard day.
- Be the best version of yourself. Imagine today was your last day on earth. Would you want to spend it fighting with someone you love? Try your best to mend broken bridges, and be sure not to burn new ones. Forgive to the best of your ability. How do you want others to remember you? Live each day that way.
- Spend your time wisely. Don’t waste your most limited resource (time) on TV and social media. Carve out time in advance for the things that matter. Read, learn a new skill, volunteer, exercise, and spending quality time with the ones you love.
- Find your passion, but don’t feel pressured to do it for money. If you love to write, then begin writing. If you love to paint, start painting. You don’t have to turn your passion into a business. First, find the joy in creating. If you succeed, you can always monetize it later.
How to Live a Good Life Without Money
Can you live a good life without money? Of course, you don’t need a lot of money to live your best life. You can learn how to enjoy life without money. Refocusing your time is much more important than money ever will be. Remember that your success will not be defined by the number of investments in your bank accounts.
Now don’t get me wrong. If you can afford to start working towards financial independence, by all means, start your journey. Just remember not to sacrifice the things that matter right now.
Time will always be more valuable than money. Make the most of your moments. Learn how to live a happy life without money, because there will never be another now.
I needed this today (and probably will need it again many times).
We always sit down to dinner together but we don’t always have a decent conversation. We always work in tandem to get everyone out the door in some kind of reasonable manner, and everyone gets dressed, cleaned up, medicated as needed, and fed and hugged but we don’t get to truly connect every single day.
I’m trying to nurture my creative side a bit by producing things to support my bid to go to FinCon this year but also I need to prevent it from taking over my brain and my emotions. It needs to stay in a small box to keep from encroaching on the rest of my life, and that’s going to be good practice for me to learn balancing extras/money things with actually living life.
Isn’t it amazing how we can sit next to someone and feel so disconnected from them? I think this phase of childrearing makes it even more difficult. We are so focused on our kids and often interrupted by them that it’s tough to focus on deep, meaningful conversations. I am doing my best to correct my behavior. To give and feel the love rather than giving the quick hug and sending everyone off on their way. We don’t need 8 hours of deep connections. Instead we can focus on connecting in small snippets of time throughout our day. It’s a work in progress for sure.
As for FinCon, don’t let it consume you. There will be lots of smiling faces happy to see you whether you were creative leading up to it or not!
Very, well said..life is short, . Enjoy the lved ones in your life, . I have always believed in living Simple. It makes life less complicated. I have regular prayer time with God which gives me the peace that whatever Comes your way God is taking care of it. Thanks for this Wisdom.
Thank you for your comment Lauri. I too have turned to a life of simplicity after reading Voluntary Simplicity a decade or so ago.
Hello-I wanted to sign up for your blog. Thanks!
Thanks Philip. I don’t offer an email subscription at this time. Perhaps I should in the future?
TV can really suck the life out of a working family (from experience). We had years like you described, where we were both working and then the TV/couch combo every night was standard. We watch much less TV now that we have a kid, and it’s more intentional (like watching the entire Star Wars saga together this summer in preparation for Ep 9).
Thanks for letting me know we’re not alone. The night we brought my son home from the hospital my husband turned on the TV in our bedroom. Our son was sleeping in our room and I said nothing more than, “umm” and pointed at our sleeping baby. He turned off the TV as my son stirred. We didn’t turn on that TV for another six years 😉 Now we watch very infrequently and intentionally in the basement.
It is hard to break the watching TV habit. I used to come home, mentally exhausted from work and eat my dinner in front of the TV then fall asleep on the couch. Now that I’m in a less stressful role at work, I’m not as tired but the first week I still sat in front of the TV. But habits can be broken – I turned it off tonight after my program ended. Small wins! It is also true that as I am not as exhausted from work, my mind is a lot clearer and I can utilise the extra time to do something else. Aiming to live my best life now. Thank you for the reminder
Thank you for commenting. I do think habits are difficult to break and let’s face it watching television is incredibly easy after a long day of work. But we only get so much time to spend on this Earth. When our time is up I bet a lot of us will wish we turned off the TV like you did. Keep up the good work!
Such a great post!! These are the questions I’ve been thinking about a lot more over the last few years. There is only so much time in a day and in a life. I’ve also been working on finding activities that give me energy and allow me to recover from all the obligations of life . Our after work routine looked a lot like what you described yours used to be: once the kids were in bed we’d sit in front of the tv, in the same room yet not connecting at all. Don’t get me wrong, we still have those nights sometimes, but tracking my recovery activities made me realize I would feel more relaxed and truly unwind by doing other activities such as : having discussions with my partner, reading a good book, having friends over, doing some yoga, etc.
It’s still something I am exploring in my life, to find some kind of balance. I can at least say that our life js much better with this new focus and moving away from the automatic routine. Thanks for the great reflexion and for giving me more food for thought on this!
I have never heard the term “recovery activities” but I absolutely love it! You make a great point that we need to create a list of activities that can help us clear our minds, relieve our stress and better fill our souls. It’s a great idea to create this list well in advance, so we can turn to it rather than turning on the television. Thank you so much for leaving this comment. You have opened my mind to a whole new way of thinking and planning for this time!
Love this. I remember reading an article about a guy that hit his fi number super young but he seemed miserable with this life. I always wanted to start a blog and I had tried once in the past but it wore me out so I stopped and honestly I’m glad I did. Now I’ve started again but this time it’s different and it’s easier and I enjoy it. I’m doing it because it’s something I love and it’s part of what I want to do when I grow up. I didn’t think I had the time to do it, but you’re right, you can find the time when you realize how much time you waste.
Kudos on starting your blog and finding time to dedicate to it. Starting a blog helped me become a millionaire. Not in terms of ad revenue, but in terms of thinking about money. I hope it does the same for you!
I’ve never created a time journal, but a friend of mine had great success documenting her time and searching for holes and spaces that were lost to needless activities like scrolling the Internet and watching TV. It’s amazing how much time we can dig up in our day when we actively search for it.
Thanks for the comment!
I have a lot of free time on my hands these days — and am less than a year off a divorce —so I’m having to start asking myself what I want my life to look like. I’m still figuring that out I’m afraid but these are all good guidelines to get me there.
I think it’s always a work in progress. The key is to keep working on it rather than letting it fall off our plates. If we are mindful we will stay connected and make progress on the things that are important to us.
I just really loved this. A lot. 🙂
Awww. Thanks.
Love this post One Frugal Girl. The reason I like it so much is you speak to the guiding path that I am so passionate about, mindfulness. You are working towards being very aware of yourself and what is around you. All the best on your journey.
Thank Chris. I’m working on it. It’s a journey that never ends.