If someone offered you one million dollars, would you take it? I bet you would emphatically say, “yes, most definitely, without a doubt!”
I never thought I would pass up that much money, but one day I did. I’ve given up $1 million worth of income over the past seven years, and I did so by quitting my six figure job.
If you are saving, investing, and dreaming of financial independence, you probably think I’m either crazy or a complete idiot. After I made the decision, I might have agreed. Since quitting my six-figure job and walking away from a high paying career, I’ve experienced many complex emotions.
A Little History
Growing up, my mom left her job to stay home with my brother and me. As a kid, I wasn’t aware that this was a decision my parents had made. It was just the way our family worked. Every weekday dad drove to a job in the city, and mom stayed home. It was the only world I knew.
Stay-at-home parents were common in my community. None of the moms in my neighborhood worked in traditional 9-to-5 jobs when I was a child.
Then one day, my mom talked about going back to work. I was nine years old and mature enough to let myself in and out of the house alone. (Latch key kids were all the rage back then.)
The Lesson I Learned
That’s when my mom first mentioned her decision to stay home. It was a simple explanation, straight and to the point. Her job wouldn’t cover the cost of child care, so she quit, but now that my brother and I were older, she could return to work.
It’s interesting how my nine-year-old brain internalized and interpreted my mother’s words. I created a mantra of sorts inside my head: after giving birth, a low salary was the only reason to quit your job.
Over the years, I heard this message echoing back to me repeatedly. Women told me they didn’t earn enough to continue working. Many said, “by the time I pay for daycare, I have little to nothing left.”
Many of those women wanted to stay home with their children, but none framed their decision in that context. None of them listed desire as the number one reason for leaving the workforce. Instead, they always mentioned money as the primary reason for staying home.
Quitting a High Paying Job
So imagine how conflicted I felt when I made six figures and decided to walk away from my high paying job. Didn’t people quit their jobs because it didn’t make financial sense to continue working?
I didn’t fit that mold. In fact, I lived the opposite of that. I made too much money to quit my job. In the beginning, walking away seemed like an impossible decision to make, and giving up a high paying job was out of the question.
At the time, I didn’t know anyone who had purposefully left a high paying position.
My female role models at work all remained in their jobs after the birth of their children. No one I knew left their professional careers to raise kids.
I didn’t meet any fellow software developers on the playground. Yet, after being laid off and lining up a new job, I still chose to leave the workforce and willingly quit my six figure job.
I was and still am incredibly proud of my prior career. There is something gratifying about being a female in a male-dominated industry. Sometimes, I still miss the pride I felt in my former role.
Regret Quitting a High Paying Job
So, was it a mistake to give it all up? Did I make a bad decision when I chose to quit my six figure job?
I asked myself that question for years.
I asked every stay-at-home mom I met about her prior profession. I scoured the Internet for stories about other women who gave up high paying careers.
Then silently memorized the article on Grown and Flown when I couldn’t find any. Would I, too, regret quitting my job to stay at home with my children?
$1 Million in Lost Wages
Why was I so conflicted? Because I spent the greater part of my life obsessed with money. I wrote a blog about personal finance centered on maximizing earnings, saving as much as possible, and investing for the long haul.
My weekly routine consisted of clipping coupons, searching sales circulars, increasing my income, and nickel-and-diming my way to $1 million.
I began working at fifteen and worked throughout high school and college. I was proud of that fact. Who was I without a job? After years of growing our net worth, I found it difficult to stop focusing on wealth accumulation.
Then there was the question of lost wages. What did seven years out of the workforce cost my husband and me? I estimate around $3 million.
At least $3 million! It amounts to over $1 million in lost wages over the past seven years alone. Add on additional compounding for an extra thirty to forty years, and holy mackerel, that’s a lot of missed moola!
And of course, the longer I stay out of the workforce, the more significant that number looms.
Leaving a High Paying Job for Happiness
My situation is unusual but not unique. I was searching specifically for stories of happy, stay-at-home parents who left high paying jobs, but now I realize I should have widened my net.
There are hundreds of reasons people quit high paying jobs to be happy. Each story is unique, but the reasons are all similar.
Most of us walk away from a high paying job to find a deeper purpose beyond our six-figure careers.
While I still don’t find a lot of highly paid parents exiting the workforce, I have discovered an entire FIRE community full of individuals who are leaving money behind.
That’s the case for anyone who considers early retirement, isn’t it?
Do I Regret Quitting My High Paying Job?
Do I regret quitting my high paying job? More specifically, do I regret leaving my job to be a stay-at-home mom? Not at this point. Will I regret it 30 years from now? I don’t think so.
I have many thoughts on the subject (some still conflicting), but I know life shouldn’t be taken for granted. My heart pulled me in this direction, and thanks to significant savings and a spouse who continues to work, I’ve been given the option to stay home.
That’s a personal choice, and it doesn’t reflect on the choices other women make or the fact that many women don’t have the luxury of choice at all.
I don’t worry about money anymore, but sometimes I still fear for our financial futures. What if we get sick or need long-term care? Three million would certainly cover the cost of those bills. Will I regret the decision in the future? Perhaps, if I’m still blogging, then I’ll let you know.
The truth is life is all about choices. I love so many aspects of staying at home with my children, and I don’t regret spending the last seven years outside of a cubicle.
If you handed me $3 million on the day my son was born, would I have felt differently? Most definitely, but thankfully that didn’t happen.
Luckily, I recognize that life is about so much more than money.
Walking Away From a High Paying Job
In retrospect, I wish my mom had said, “I stayed home because I would have regretted leaving you behind each day.” Or “I stayed home because I cherished the time I spent with you.”
My mom could have said, “I didn’t do it out of necessity, but rather out of desire.” Staying home was her preference, so these things all would have been accurate, and hearing those words would have completely changed my mental model.
I wish money hadn’t factored into the way she spoke about that decision at all. I wasted too much time second-guessing my decision for ridiculous financial reasons and feeling guilty for passing up so much cash.
Quit High Paying Job To Be Happy
Choosing happiness.
Long-term happiness didn’t reside in bigger paychecks, long hours, or high-level promotions. The success that I thought might make me happy didn’t.
At the root of it all, my work life and my dream life weren’t compatible with one another. I wanted to leave my high paying job for less stress and more time with my children.
After quitting my six figure job, I mistakenly focused on what I’d given up. Instead, I should have focused on what I received in return.
That’s when it dawned on me. I didn’t give up three million dollars. I left my high paying job for time with my children and exchanged my next promotion for a better quality of life.
Leaving a high paying job for happiness isn’t easy, but that’s precisely what I did.
Related articles I’ve written:
I am very happy to have found this blog post, it’s me now at 33. Thank you for being honest about your thoughts during that time, it’s given me more to think about and a different perspective other than just what I’m leaving on the table.
I am conflicted with this same decision and I have the opportunity to volunteer to be laid off with a nice severance package (vs reapplying for my job in a corporate layoff). Pre-covid I was planning to take it, since my husband also has a high paying job. But we are both are in the same industry (specialized) and jobs for both of use are hard to come by and most companies are having big layoffs now, so volunteering to be laid off will expose us to the risks of having one income. We are half-way to FI and could reach it in ~5 years with both of us working. It’s such a hard choice for all the reasons you address, but I have a 3 year old and hopefully more kids soon, so this is time I can’t get back. If I had a guarantee of being able to go back to work in 5-10 years I wouldn’t have such are hard time with it.
Thank you for your comment. When I quit my job my husband had an extremely stable job working for his own company. Five years later he lost his steady, high-paying income. Your decision is much more difficult than the one I faced at the time. When I quit my job I knew that my husband could support us on his salary. I also understood the risk of living on one salary, but I honestly didn’t think he would lose his job. (I say that as someone who was once laid off.) We also knew that we had money to fall back on if he did lose work.
I definitely don’t regret my decision to leave a high paying job. In fact, it is without a doubt one of the best decisions I have ever made and one I would do all over again if given the chance. We survived my husband’s career change, but he is a talented software engineer with transferable skills.
I don’t want to weigh too heavily on your decision, but if I were you I would run the numbers. How likely is your husband to lose his job and how long could you survive if he did lose his job? Sometimes the numbers provide the answer you need. Other times you have to run the risk and follow your heart!
If you make a decision come back and leave a comment. I’d love to know which choice you pick!
I ultimately decided to reapply and was placed in a position at my company. I have a good boss and a rewarding position, and we are still working from home. My thought process: I figured as long as I’m working at home I can have the best of both worlds, see my son during the day, have more time for myself, more time for chores, and also work to save more. Now, if they make us go back to the office in a significant capacity I’ll be revisiting my plans again. The quality of life working at home is just too good to return to commuting for me. But for now, I’ll ride it out until the situation changes.
I think that’s a perfect compromise for you to test out. If I had the opportunity to work from home when I quit my job I would’ve given it a try before leaving the workforce. If it doesn’t work out you can leave like you planned to do, but it could be just what you need to find the balance between work life and home life. I wish you the best of luck!
I came across this as I am currently sur hung the web looking for validation. My situation is slightly different since I don’t make a crazy amount of money but I make enough to cover our daycare & mortgage plus some grocery shopping. My husband is a firefighter and he has a very sporadic schedule. We have no family in town and having a 18 month old, while working full time in a stressful sales position is getting difficult. My husband works multiple days in a row so at times I’m a single mom. We can live off his salary alone, so I am trying to come to the realization that we will be fine. It is more important for me to have flexibility with my husband’s days off and my mental health. I loved reading everyone’s comments.
Hi Candice,
Thank you for your comment. Your situation is definitely more complex than mine, but I also agree that flexibility and mental health are extremely important. My mom was a stay-at-home parent for nine years while I was growing up. My parents were able to keep her home by minimizing their lifestyle. They didn’t fix up the house, or buy a lot of unnecessary stuff. There are always two parts to every financial equation. How much you earn and how much you spend. If you can keep your expenses very low you can probably make this work for you. I’m not a financial advisor, and I haven’t seen your finances, so I can’t say for certain, but if you don’t have debt and you can live a minimalist lifestyle for a few years you may be able to make this work. Look deeply at how much your husband earns each month and how much you need to live. Then see if you can cut costs. Trim, trim, and trim some more until you feel confident that you can pay all of your bills and have some left over for an emergency fund. If you don’t have an emergency fund, work long enough to build one if you can. Let me know what you decide and thank you for leaving your comment! Other readers will learn from it.
I’m right there with you! I quit my job as a professor to work part time after having twins. I worked my way up to a 6 figure FTE salary. However my last job move was a disaster. My boss and team were a poor fit and while I got great reviews I hated it. I worked up the courage to quit and regroup while just teaching 1 class. Then COVID hit and remote learning with 3 kids k-2 was a disaster. I’ve been homeschooling since last April and love it. My future is now up in the air. We are taking it one year at a time but this might be a permanent lifestyle change for us. Setting our own schedule and meeting our own kids needs is such a privilege. Living on 1 income will be a challenge in our high cost of living area but I’m confident something will work out. Liberating ourselves and our kids from go go go life is amazing. Especially since they are learning so much more!
Hi Jen, Thank you for leaving a comment. I am so happy to hear that things are working out better for you and your family since walking away from your job. I know it is a scary decision to make. I was absolutely terrified. We also live in a HCOL area, so I know it feels a whole lot harder to convert to one income. Do you intend to keep one foot in the door of your workplace by keeping connections or continuing to teach part time or will you leave the workforce for an extended period of time and not return? If you want to go back one day, I would suggest keeping tabs on a few former coworkers and keeping your skills up to date. It will make it easier if you decide to return. If you don’t that’s amazing too. It’s been nine years since I left the workforce and while I hope to return to work in some capacity I don’t want the high stress job I used to maintain. I wish you all the best!
I am so happy to have come across your blog. Like you I, have scoured the web for stories similar to my situation, looking for validation that what I want to do isn’t crazy/stupid. I live in Asia, and have a high paying job as an accountant. In our country, childcare is affordable (having a full time nanny and a housekeeper or two is the norm for middle class families) and like you, financially, we would be better off if I continued working. I am also not “stressed” in juggling household chores and my work because we have a reliable nanny and househelp. BUT, I still can’t shake off the feeling/desire to be more involved in taking care of my family- my husband and my growing children. I, too, am a workaholic and tend to prioritize work over spending time with my children, and I fear that the years will pass in a blink of an eye and I’d be left regretting not spending my time and energy. So we’ve made a financial plan for me to retire in 5 yrs (when I turn 41). We would be financially independent by then. But my kids will also be a bit older 12, 9 and 7. Once I retire, I do not plan on going back to work and instead focus on my family (and handle our rental business on the side). Could you share more your experience on being a full time mom (with your older kids). Will they still need me by then. Will having a full time parent really impact them positively? Thank you!
I love being home with my children. I definitely miss work and a paycheck, but I do not, for one second, regret the decision to stay home with my kids. My boys are 5 and 9 right now and they still need me quite a bit. We play together, take walks, ride bikes, cook, and generally enjoy each other’s company. I think my boys are becoming incredible little human beings right before my eyes and I am so happy that I’ve gotten the chance to witness their growth on a daily basis when I am not stressed and consumed by work. If you have any specific questions you can email me directly onefrugalgirl AT gmail DOT com. I’d be happy to provide more information if you need it. I wish you the best of luck!
Thanks for your response and encouragement Jewels! And Im glad that you are truly embracing and enjoying full time motherhood. I’ve read your earlier posts and I realize that it was a process getting here. Thanks for the inspiration and for generously sharing your time and life journey with us.
Thank you for reading and for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you for this article. I’m going to take the exact step as you, at pretty much the same age, except I’m male and we don’t have children, so I will probably find a part time job which will pay significantly less than my current banking job. However, I’ve been so focussed on the opportunity cost, I keep forgetting the amazing experiences and mental wellbeing afforded by working a less stressful job / having more free time. I am glad I am not alone in thinking this way, and this re-affirms that I’m not making a foolish choice.
Hi N M,
Thank you for leaving this comment. I struggled to give up my paycheck, but I do not regret my decision one bit. There is so much to be said for living a less stressed, more laid back lifestyle. I do recommend saving up if you can before you quit. We had saved quite a bit before I took the leap away from work, which made for a softer transition.
I am so glad I found this blog, I am hoping for some encouragement… I am a single mum of 5 year old boy with no father involved and very little family or support. I live in a small country town in Australia but work from home full-time in a very senior well paid job from a career of over 20 years in IT. I own my house, have a second property with a mortgage that I am renting out and cash in the bank to spare. At 45 I am struggling for energy, I do everything myself and work 40-60 hours a week. My son starts school next year, he has been in full-time daycare\preschool since 6 months while I have worked hard but I am missing something and want to spend more time just being a Mum. I am terrified of leaving, I am still succeeding in my work but I hate it, the stress of a corporate role is taking it’s toll more and more but I am terrified of giving up the security and the income. I have 12 years of school to go with him and have no idea what else I can do as there is little employment in my area but I am in tears every day living like this – I feel crazy for wanting to give up a job and money that most people would be envious of. I would like to start a small business and not afraid of earning less but where do I start? Any advice you can give me would be appreciated, Thank you
You are in a difficult spot. My advice would be to try some things on the side. Take courses at night if you are interested in looking for other work or try your hand at a business adventure on the side. If you are the only source of income I wouldn’t suggest jumping out of your current role until you can see if you can succeed in another position. The best way to do that would be to give it a go in your off hours. Is there a way to do that while still spending time with your son? Perhaps you would have some time once he is in school during the day?
Such a great post and discussion!
When my daughter was 18 months old, the company I worked for re-organized but instead of applying for a new position, I chose to be laid off. I was a SAHM for 2.5 years until she started pre-school. I went back to work then. It was not perfect but 100% the right decision for me. I was able to pick up my career where I left off with a slight pay cut but the following year, I was able to negotiate a significant pay raise.
Now she is 7 and I want to semi-retire so I can be home more. I too am struggling to leave the job, not so much for the money but for being “valued” at my work and I love the company as well. We will reach coastFI in about 3-4 years but I want to semi-retire by next year. I hope to find a WFH job later but I am older now (46) and I don’t know how hard it will be to find a job especially after taking a few years off again.
Hi Charlotte, Searching for new jobs when you are older is difficult. I’ve seen many forty-year-old friends face age discrimination in the workplace, but you should definitely search for options. So many local jobs are now remote. I think you can make this happen!
One frugal guy…
Hello, and thanks for sharing your story.
I am coming myself to the decision that its time for me to quit my high paying job.
i started to work for in my dad’s small trucking company started by my brother and father 20 years ago. When the company grew i was finishing my Masters degree but was offered a high paying position 15 years ago and i took it instead of pursuing my Law enforcement career. The money was good and i was motivated to buy my first home. So i gave it 100%, long hours and taking on a lot of responsibility and stress.
I was always taught by my parents that money is the key to success in life and that you have to work until to can no longer get out of bed. No matter how many millions you have in the bank is irrelevant. So now that I have paid off my house and have a second rental paid for, i find myself scared to jump off the work train. I am 45 and i want to look forward to enjoying my time with my family.
I enjoy being the dad that spends alot of time with the kids and love outdoor activities. I want to be able to be free to go to the gym or bike ride every day or when ever i feel like it. I want to travel and not feel the pressure of having no choice but to “get in my metal coffin every day and go to work” (i love that quote from Patrick Swayze, in Point Break).
But i have worked my entire life and the feeling of not having an income is scary. Specially because my parent told me that i was insane and should be committed to a mental institution for wanting to quit 5 years ago. They told me that anyone would kill for my income and i was too young to stop working. My siblings and parents basically said they would disown me because i was just trying to be lazy.
This lead me to make a decision with my wife that i would work 5 more years and i would quit after that. 4 years have passed and now that its time to begin to make my exit, i am getting cold feet. I am scared to jump because i have always worked and i am making 150k a year. I think since my parents have always ingrained that walking away from a good job is insane, its the reason why i am scared. I have financially put myself in a great position since my house is paid off and i have a second rental. I know that i am ready but walking away from money is super difficult (especially since my parents remind me constantly)
I am thankful to come across blogs like these that show that people walk away from high paying jobs to pursue happiness.
Thank you for your comment. It may help to run your numbers one more time. What can you cut back on? How long can you live on the money you’ve already saved? What about paying for medical insurance and other high-cost items in retirement. Pull out your spreadsheets and review your figures. Sometimes we can find courage in the data. If you are nervous I would try this before making the decision to quit. Ultimately, you don’t have to live by the rules of your family members, but it may help to show them why this isn’t a risky plan!
I’m so glad to have come across this article. I’ve been struggling with my decision to quit my high paying VP job. I grew up extremely poor and making that move felt so wrong. But after getting laid off at the start of the pandemic, I’ve landed and quit two jobs that I simply hated (terrible culture, high stress, marginalized role). I also have a 2 year old at home with no childcare outside of our 80 year old parents. It was just way too stressful. My husband is also in a high stress executive position and we were not adjusting to parenting very well. We used to work 9-9 everyday and get takeout for every meal. Needless to say, that lifestyle is not conducive to raising a family. Anyway, I’ve been struggling and feeling really stupid for giving up the most money I’ve ever made (money I never thought I’d ever be able to make) but your perspective helps me see what I’m gaining and not giving up. I hope to reach a point where I also no longer regret my decision. How long did it take you to move past the obsession over the opportunity cost? Also do you fear reentering the workforce will be impossible? I’m 40 and I feel like this might be a permanent change for us even though I’d love to go back to work in a few years when the kids are in school.
Thank you for your comment. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to reply to it. It took me years, oh too many years to get over the opportunity cost of leaving my high paying job. I blame that on my view of myself as a software engineer. I wrapped myself up in my title. In my profession and in the compensation I received for doing a damn good job. Now, I don’t care about such things. I don’t care about my career anymore. It was something I did, but it doesn’t represent who I am. Are you trying to figure out who you are without your job? I struggled with that for a very long time. Now, I know who I am and I like who I see when I look in the mirror. If you want to return to work keep in contact with your old coworkers. Go out to lunch with them, send them emails from time to time to check in. It also helps to find a part time consulting position if you have the bandwidth. Do you want to return to your old job or a completely new profession? Now is a good time to ask yourself those questions and start training if you want to pivot after your kids start school.
Thank you for posting this. I left my six figure salary because I was burned out and constantly grappled with the guilt of not being fully engaged with my family due to my high stress role. I am happy being home and am currently seeking another form of employment that will require less of my time and focus. I am still coming to terms with a “lesser role” in title and compensation but with constant self- reassurance that I am doing the right thing in this season of my life, I hope I will be able to leave that past completely behind and move onto future adventures.
Thanks for sharing your encouraging story. I have been very unhappy for some time at work, but my high income ($300K+) has been somehow justifying my unhappiness. I have two children and my wife has never worked a day in her life – I love them very much and have done my best to provide, but I am so beyond tired. While I feel guilty quitting my job, the stress is unbearable. I need and want to breath. Fortunately, I have decent money saved up, but probably not enough to retire. And I’m only 50, too young to retire. I know if I leave my job now, I’ll never be able to make this much money again… It’s a scary decision, but I think I am still going to pull the trigger. I need a break – a long one too. Hopefully I can think more clearly on what I want to do, what makes me happy once I quit.
I just left mine, couldn’t take the toxic environment anymore. I felt like my health was affected and since I waited millions of years to exist, and only get a few decades worth of life…might as well enjoy it. Take care of your family of course. Minimize some superfluous stuff and relax a bit, enjoy the roses before you’re pushing them up. Good luck sir.
Congratulations! How’s it going since you left?
Oh Tim, I’m sorry that your job has left you gasping for air. Is there any way you can take a short break from it. A long vacation. A short sabbatical. Any way to unwind until you can walk away from it?